Free lunch?

Last year, we organised a huge dinner getogether party, at almost RMB300 per head - buffet dinner with wine in a posh club in Hong Qiao. One of my young guests, Alina asked if her friend - a university mate, could come for free. The said girl really loved the theme of the party but had little money. 

I said No. 

Sound harsh? Maybe. 

Hang on, why do you think I said No? 

Well, I said No for a number of reasons. 

First, if the girl said she has no money and yet wish to come, and in turn, asked if she could offer to help in some way, I would welcome her. 

Why so?

Because this way, she is not expecting charity. She is working her right to get a seat at the table. And for that, she has my full respect. I have nothing against people with little money, I have something strongly against full bodied adults asking for free lunch. We all know there is no free lunch, yes?

Secondly, some people do not always value receiving the thing they ask for if they get it for nothing. This is especially true for people who ask for free things from complete strangers. In this case, I am the stranger. 

Lastly, this girl's basic values on money, self accountability and respecting others are different from mine and I even dare say, different from my guests'. 

Let's stop for a moment and think. When was the last time we asked for something without expecting to give something back in turn? Maybe we asked a colleague to help on a project but didn't even offer a sincere thank you in return, let alone offer to treat coffee or a small thoughtful gift. Hmmm...makes you think hard right?

Anyway, back to Alina, after listening to my explanation, she shared these wise words, "I understand now, the most important thing is to help others with their thinking and let them know where to go, what and how to do, instead of doing everything for them". 

That's good summary indeed!

Because I believe when charity is offered wrongly; on a long run, it hurts more than help the person we set out to help in the first place. 

免费的午餐？

去年，我组织了一场大型聚会，与会者每人需付300元场地费，包括自助餐，红酒和雅致的活动场所。消息一出，艾琳娜，我最年轻的客人之一，询问我是否有可能邀请她的一位校友免费参加，因为这位朋友很喜欢比次派对的主题，只是她没有很多钱。

我说不可以。

听起来很无情吗？也许吧。

但是仔细思考一下，为什么我会说不？

出于种种原因，我说了不。

首先，如果这个女孩当初说她没有钱但是很想来，并且愿意为比次派对做些什么以换取入场资格，我会非常欢迎她。

为什么？

因为这样一来，她并没有在等待救助，而是通过劳动来换取这里的一席座位。如果她这样做，我会给她我全部的尊重。我从不歧视穷人，但我极度反感身体健全的乞讨者。天底下没有免费的午餐，这是我们人人都知道的道理，不是吗？

其次，对于轻易得来的东西，人们往往不懂得珍惜，尤其是对那些向陌生人伸手要东西的人，而在这种情况下，我是一个陌生人。

最后，这个女孩的几本金钱观，自我责任感以及尊重他人的意识与我不同，并且我敢打赌，与我所有客人的都不同，而我的派对上并不需要这样的人。

让我们停下来想一想，我们最后一次只求索取而不想回报的时候是何时？或许我们曾请同事帮助自己做项目，却连一句真心的感谢都没给予，更别提请他喝一杯咖啡或给她一份别致的礼物。

有没有想到头痛？

不论如何，让我们再回到艾琳娜。在听完我的解释后，她说了这样的话，"现在我明白了，帮助别人最重要的是帮助他们学会思考，让他们知道可以去哪里，应该做什么和怎样做。而不是替他们承担一切。“

这确实是一个很好的总结。

因为我相信，当慈善用错了方式，从长远来讲，我们是在害那个原本要帮助的人，而非在帮助他。